Make Room

Make Room

Recently I just started reading a book written by a friend of mine, Colber Prosper, titled “No Entry”. In the introduction he quotes Mary Oliver who wrote, “Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable”. There are some things that are just easier to believe. Easier because, we can imagine those things as being possible. But what about the things we can’t imagine? Can we “make room” to believe in something we can’t even imagine being possible? This is exactly what we, Christians, are asking people to do when we share our faith and ask others to not only believe in a God they’ve never seen but to believe that the same God who created the universe and spoke stars and planets into existence: knows them, cares about them, and wants a connection with them. Indeed that can be a difficult thing to imagine and make room for, especially when we are filling ourselves and “our hearts” with so much.

Buzzzz, slap, snooze, wake, swipe, like, swipe again, breakfast selfie, like, post, snap, look, fix, swoosh, oh hey what are you doing, post, swipe, school, work, practice, like,  post, hello, did you, are you, will you, home, log in, out, check status, update status, swipe, add, poke, like

Indeed we fill our hearts and lives with so much that is simply just noise. Author and speaker Eric Samuel Timm in his book “Static Jedi” refers to the noise that fills our life as something that is there to distract us from clarity. We must make room and to do so means beginning by cleaning out some of the noise.

Now understand I’m online as much, if not more, that any other average person out there. So I’m not saying “down with social media”. That said, what I am saying is that we must make sure that we are not so engaged with it that we have no room for the beautiful, remarkable and yes the unimaginable.

Beyond clearing out the noise I would also encourage we make room by reconsidering what is possible…what we can imagine. I just wonder what we could make room for this week?

Why Feeling Bad Isn't

I've had several conversations lately with people who wish they felt different. We all have those times when we feel down. I mean no one is happy all the time. But we seem to be surrounded by a whole world of people who want us to "feel better" or "be happy". How many of us have heard the phrase, "You've changed", as if our feeling differently in this moment somehow makes us a different person or changes who we are. Now before I go any further I need to admit being guilty of this myself, but recently I'm beginning to realize a need to approach things differently.

First I want to debunk a myth about feelings. Feelings or emotions are not choices. They are usually a reaction of sorts to our given set of circumstances but they are also a chemical reaction in our body and brain. This means that sometime we may feel a certain way because of something we have experienced and then there may be times that our feelings aren't tied to any outside influence at all. Let's face it, if feelings and emotions were a choice most of us would simply choose to "feel differently". I know I've had more than just a few times when I have felt down or depressed even alone and could give no reason for it. It was just how I was feeling.

Something I am learning is that getting to a place of feeling better isn't always what our goal should be, because we don't have control over that. What we do have control of though, is our actions. Just because we feel angry doesn't mean we have to punch the wall. Just because we feel hurt doesn't mean we must hurt someone else in return. Feeling happy doesn't mean we have to smile and feeling sad doesn't mean we have to shed a tear.

Myth number two. There is only one right way to express emotions. Wrong there are many ways. As many unique ways as there are people.

Myth number three. There is no wrong way to express emotions. I think we can all agree that when expressing those emotions hurts someone else or ourselves that there must be a better way.

And finally something else I am learning may help is understanding the truth of our circumstances. I can feel alone in the middle of a crowd. Understanding that I'm not alone may not change how I feel but it can help me make better choices about my response to that emotion.

Few things in this world are permanent. Understand you may have 100s of feelings today or just 1. If there are real circumstances influencing your emotions remember those circumstances may change and with them how you feel. If you find there are no reasons for the way you feel understand that just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean you are that emotion.

Myth number four. You are somehow different or less/more valued as a person because of how you feel. You are who you are. Valuable because the world will never experience someone just like you in all the eternity that is yet to be lived.

Messy Church

“What do a Buddhist, a biker couple, a gay-rights activist, a transient, a high-tech engineer, a Muslim, a twenty-something single mom, a Jew, a couple living together, and an atheist all have in common? They are all the future church in America” (John Burke, No Perfect People Allowed, p. 15)

All of the people above need Jesus. I know that because we all do, myself included. The traditional church has found itself in a position though of being unable to reach many groups and cultures. This is not the fault of the message, the message is the same today as it has always been. Part of the issue is that churches have developed a “come and see” mentality as opposed to a “go and tell” mind set. “If you build it, they will come” seems to have been the mantra for the past few decades. Whether the “it” was an actual building or a program.

We would still like to see everyone receive the gospel and experience the love of God but we would prefer to share that message from a distance. What we really hope is that some individuals would come to Christ before they come to the church. We would really prefer that by the time they choose to come to our church that they already, look, think, talk, and act like us. This is like doctors and nurses at a hospital expecting that all the people that make appointments are already taking the right medicine and treatments before they walk in the door. The thinking would be something like “If you are really very sick we would prefer that you stay home until you are better. We can have you spreading germs around our hospital”.

What would our churches look like though if all of these individuals just decided to just show up just as they are with one thing in common; they would like to learn more about Jesus. They may not be ready to swallow everything or any of what is said or taught, but something keeps bringing them back. John Burke says that this kind of church would look like a mess but that it would be a beautiful mess. 

The truth is most of these individuals aren’t just going to “show up”. We need to leave behind the “come and see” philosophy. We need to be a “living letter” that others can read and we need to spend time with others in stores, at work, in our own home getting to know them and their story if we ever expect them to listen to the story we have to share.

This can’t happen when we take a “better than you” attitude. Building relationships is key. It’s definitely a long haul approach but worth it. You are also going to still begin to see these individuals coming to your church perhaps long before they are ready to make any kind of change. This may change the look of things. It might look like “a mess” to some, but people coming to hear about, see, experience and eventually receive the love of God looks beautiful. 

Playing Favorites

 

As much as we try not to we all have our favorites. We can't always explain why this person or that seems to stand above the rest or why we fight just that much harder someone when maybe we wouldn't for someone else. What is it about certain people that makes us want to see them succeed? I have had and continue to have the opportunity to work alongside amazing youth. Picking an actual favorite would be impossible, although there are some who are sure they know or others who are convinced they take the top spot.

 

I have had the unique privilege to help people see in themselves the potential to do great things. Not everyone is a straight A student and not all of them are exceptional speakers or presenters. In fact, how they have been gifted and the difference they are able to make is different for each one of them. Often it comes down to putting the right opportunity in front of the right person. Something I'm sure I don't always get right by the way.

 

There have been many people in my life who for whatever reason felt led to open door after door for me growing up and even as an adult. I've often wondered why. What did they see that made them want to step up and give me a chance. The more I work with youth I come to understand that they may not even have known why. They were the kind of people who always looked for ways to put the right person in front of the right opportunity. It is because of people like them that I desire to see each of the youth in my church and LAUNCH (a youth leadership program of Jackson County) get the opportunity to see their potential.

 

So many of you have no idea just how much you inspire those around you. You are the fiercest kind of friend. You are able to look into a situation and say that one thing that takes our mind off our pain for a moment. You are brave and you are beautiful. You use your hurt to help dozens of others experience healing. You made a change. You succeeded. You flopped and got right back up a tried again until you got it right. You learned to accept others who were different. You learned to accept yourself. You refused to be defined by just one thing. It is for one, some, or all of these reasons you touch our hearts and make us want to fight for you.

 

Don't get so caught up in comparing and looking at someone else wondering why you didn't get what they did. If you could just see what I do, you'd realize just how unstoppable you are.

A Chance

*This entry is dedicated to the youth who have stepped beyond the everyday. Those who have created their own events to make change and who have taken on their own cause to stand for. As each of you has found a way to rise about your own hardships I'm amazed that the first thing you choose to do is reach back down to help someone else.

I've been thinking today about the importance of giving someone a real chance to succeed. Not just offering opportunities to "do something", but creating real opportunities and then providing the support and guidance to accomplish something. When you give people the chance to succeed and support them you will see confidence grow and often you will find that they want to do more. I've seen many people who didn't feel like they had much of a chance to make a difference, change how they see themselves. Once they saw that they did have to potential to do something positive. There is a big difference between saying "Here you go" and going an extra step to help make sure the outcome is a postivie one. We are going to influence and impact those around us. Often we complain that no one else is doing anything. What I have found though is that I don't let others help. I get so caught up in doing I forget that equipping is part of the job. In the short run is usually easier to just do. Equipping others to help in whatever work you are doing can be difficult but when you do take the time to equip others you not only save energy and time in the long run and get more accomplished you have done something amazing in the life of another individual. You have helped them see their own value in a new way. Its amazing how once we see that we can succeed how much our desrie to do more is increased. And for many all that's needed to spark that fire is "A Chance".

You Don't Know Me

I don't know you. I don't know what you've been through or how much it hurt. I don't know all the people who have come in and walked out of your life. I don't know what you've held onto or let go. I think it's so obvious that in any friendship or relationship no matter how well or how much we think we know about someone, regardless of how long we've known them, there will always be volumes that we don't know. Have you ever tried to help someone, give them advice about a situation, or talk to them about a difficult situation. There are some times when the best thing to do is just listen. No advice, no direction, no problem solving just listen and let the person know you heard them. I know you want to help. I know because I've been in that place where you just want to say the right thing. The words ring hollow, why, because "You don't know me". We don't realize that what might be easy for us is infinitely harder for them. The situation might be similar but how we experienced it, how it felt when we went through it, how deep the hurt went for us could be very different. The next time someone doesn't seem to think your advice is such a good idea remember, you may not know as much as you think you know. Whether they take the advice or not isn't the important thing. The important thing is for them to know they can count on you to listen