I've had several conversations lately with people who wish
they felt different. We all have those times when we feel down. I mean no one
is happy all the time. But we seem to be surrounded by a whole world of people
who want us to "feel better" or "be happy". How many of us
have heard the phrase, "You've changed", as if our feeling differently
in this moment somehow makes us a different person or changes who we are. Now
before I go any further I need to admit being guilty of this myself, but
recently I'm beginning to realize a need to approach things differently.
First I want to debunk a myth about feelings. Feelings or
emotions are not choices. They are usually a reaction of sorts to our given set
of circumstances but they are also a chemical reaction in our body and brain.
This means that sometime we may feel a certain way because of something we have
experienced and then there may be times that our feelings aren't tied to any
outside influence at all. Let's face it, if feelings and emotions were a choice
most of us would simply choose to "feel differently". I know I've had
more than just a few times when I have felt down or depressed even alone and
could give no reason for it. It was just how I was feeling.
Something I am learning is that getting to a place of
feeling better isn't always what our goal should be, because we don't have
control over that. What we do have control of though, is our actions. Just
because we feel angry doesn't mean we have to punch the wall. Just because we
feel hurt doesn't mean we must hurt someone else in return. Feeling happy
doesn't mean we have to smile and feeling sad doesn't mean we have to shed a
tear.
Myth number two. There is only one right way to express
emotions. Wrong there are many ways. As many unique ways as there are people.
Myth number three. There is no wrong way to express
emotions. I think we can all agree that when expressing those emotions hurts
someone else or ourselves that there must be a better way.
And finally something else I am learning may help is
understanding the truth of our circumstances. I can feel alone in the middle of
a crowd. Understanding that I'm not alone may not change how I feel but it can
help me make better choices about my response to that emotion.
Few things in this world are permanent. Understand you may
have 100s of feelings today or just 1. If there are real circumstances
influencing your emotions remember those circumstances may change and with them
how you feel. If you find there are no reasons for the way you feel understand
that just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean you are that emotion.
Myth number four. You are somehow different or less/more
valued as a person because of how you feel. You are who you are. Valuable
because the world will never experience someone just like you in all the
eternity that is yet to be lived.
